A New Beginning

So in New Zealand, today is the last day of 2012.
The end of another year.

Well it'd be a waste not to use this opportunity to change something.
To do something better.

So I've decided on my New Years Resolution.
I just have to stop it.
To stop watching porn.

That's mine.
What's yours?

Godbless~

The Truth

Ohk..
I'm going to spill it out to anyone that does read this blog, if any.
It's about time I let it out.

I have ap

Why aren't we nocturnal?

Man, I'm so tired right now.
I played like 3 hours of social badminton this morning. It was really good, sweated heaps, got real tired, had a great workout!

But now I'm sitting here completely knacked.
I can't even do anything that requires my brain to function, yet to blog.

It seems alot of the time, I always end up tired during the day.
But when night time comes, when I want/need to sleep, I'm restless.
For the past year or so, I've had lots of trouble falling asleep at night, it's extremely frustrating up to the point I've considered becoming nocturnal.

Wouldn't that be so much easier?
Since I feel tired during the day very often & never feel tired at night. Wouldn't becoming nocturnal be the logical thing to do?

What're your thoughts on this?

Best Album of the Year 2012

Flyleaf's New Horizons wins this easily.
It's an amazing album musically, lyrically & spiritually :)

I would say it's the best of their albums so far.
It's also the last album featuring Lacey Sturm as lead singer, so you definitely wouldn't want to miss getting a copy of this!

Here's some pictures.

What it looks like opened straight from the delivery package :)

The whole album art

When the CD casing is opened

I love the design on the CD!

The back cover. Again, love it!

I really like how it came with a mini poster.

Back of the poster, with dedications & all that stuff.

Yea, the CD designs itself is worth buying, really well done!
But the music, seriously, you've got to have a listen.
Some of my favorites are Great Love, Saving Grace, Cage on the Ground, & New Horizons. Though I do love the entire CD.

High recommended!

Godbless~

Picking out the Flaws

I know I haven't blogged in awhile.
I've been really lazy..
Well it is the holidays, so I guess I'm allowed to be? (;

I just thought I'd share something really weird with me today.

It seems I somehow always find a reason that something is bad.
No matter how good or awesome it may seem, I find a way to dislike it.

Especially when everyone is drooling over such a thing, I tend to manage to disapprove and end up having harsh feelings.

Take this cute little kid for example.

EVERYONE at our church finds him adorable.
He would probably easily win the 'most adorable kid' award at our church if there was such a thing.
He doesn't just look cute. The things he does & the way he talks is actually what makes him  extremely cute.
He does have a bit of ADHD though I think, or something along the lines of that.

That's where I come in.
He's extremely hard to control.
At Sunday School, he always runs around and does his own thing. He always needs someone to sit by him & make sure he stays put.
When he goes over to people's houses, he takes it as his own. He grabs whatever 'toys' he may find and play them, without asking.

Haha, trying not to judge too heavily, but I'm sure other people that know this cute little kid don't even pick out these things. The only have 'cute & adorable' in mind.

I guess there's a huge problem with me.

Also, take my new pet rabbit for instance.

When we found him hiding under our car, we all thought it was completely adorable.
Towards the end of the day, we decided to take it in.
So now it's our pet.

It's such an adorable bunny!
But again, I somehow have found a part of me that dislikes it.

All it does is sit there all day and eat.
All it seems to desire is food, & we give it food.
Nothing else.
So boring.

It seems whenever I look at it now, it doesn't look as cute as when we found it.
Hmm.. It's probably just me.

There's definitely something wrong with me right?

Haha, that's all I wanted to share.

Godbless~

Well another year just passed

Hey guys.
It's my birthday today!
I'm 17 now.. one more year till I'm 18.

Well I actually didn't do anything special today.
Just stayed at home & did the usual, reading books and stuff like that.

I did cut my hair though! 

Before

After

To be honest, I don't think I did too bad a job of it. I'm quite content with my haircut.

There's a few rough edges, but that's expected of an amateur like me.

Oh, gave me quite a nice surprise this morning.
Found a hundred dollar note when I went into the bathroom this morning.

Can't believe it took something like that to make me realize how much my parents actually love me as a child. I was pretty touched at that cause my parents hardly prepare surprises.

So yup. That's my 17th birthday.

Godbless~

Oh~ How I love the guilt

Well I went there again today.
Gave into the one temptation that has been ruining me since I can remember.
I've been trying really hard to stop it, but I always end up going back.

I realized something after I screwed up again today.
I love the guilt.

I love how I hate myself.
I love that I feel like I don't need anyone.
I love that it gives me the satisfaction that I can live for myself.

In comparison to not going there for a few days.
I end up wanting to have a social life again.
I end up building up my pride.
I end up trying to be recognized in a way.
That's something I don't like.

So yea.
Thought I'd like to share that.

Freedom

Well today I had my very last exam.
Which means I'm free for the rest of the year.
I'm also free for the first month of next year.
That's two whole months of holiday.

But you know what, I felt no joy at all when I finished that last exam.
I felt pathetic.
I was pissed off.
At myself.

I really don't deserve this freedom.
I basically did no preparation at all for most of my exams.
I just lazed about & took studying as a holiday.

I reap what I sow.
Exciting to see what a sow right?

Godbless~

Imma piece of crap

Ahh... so last exam tomorrow, I should be excited & "study sprinting".

But no, it's the night before my exam & I've decided that since I haven't had an exam in 11 days, I'm not going to bother too much. These 11 days have really changed my perspective on these exams.

So instead of studying, I'm just going to continue reading so x-men.
How great, I'm just ruining my life.
When you see me picking up rubbish as a full time job, you'll understand.

I'm so shit aye.

Ridiculous

Hey guys.
Sorry for not blogging much lately.
I've been lazy & slack I know..

Well I'm more or less done with my exams.
But really, I was basically done since they started.
More or less didn't study proper for any of my exams.
It's sad & bad.

I've been struggling loads lately.
Along with all the laziness, temptation has been tripping me up.
I've given in more or less all the time.
Sometimes I don't even want to, but I do anyways.
What's wrong with me right?

I got really angry at how far I had fallen last night.
Decided to 'punish myself', ended up making my nose bleed.
I deserved it.
I won't go back into cutting, don't worry.

I'm such a failure at life aye.
Gotta teach Children Sunday School tomorrow.
Sooner or later I'm gonna fail & lead the children wrongly if I keep going down this path.
That's enough ranting.

Godbless~

Foggy Mind

As you guys may have noticed, I haven't blogged here in quite awhile.
I've been spending life by myself lately, doing my own thing, in my own time.
Haven't even been bothered to blog.. sorry.

My mind has been screwed up badly recently.
What seemed and is ridiculous at first, I have now made it acceptable in my life.
The more I do it, the more acceptable it is.
Whereas, it isn't acceptable at all, it's just not on.
I have really 'reprogrammed' my mind to accept it & it's probably the worst thing I've ever done.

I hate it. I wish I could go back.
I can, but it's hard.
It'll mean stopping what makes me feel good.
It'll mean rewiring my mind.
It'll take time.
It's on.

Please pray for me.

Godbless

Those days...

Yup. I had one of those today.

I had to go into a very important physics exam today, unprepared.
That's my fault of course. My lack of preparation, laziness.. it's just ridiculous.
I don't even understand why it's so hard for me to study, but it just doesn't work for me ><
Well when I decided to get serious studying for it, yesterday night & this morning, I just didn't understand alot of things, it made me fustrated.

Still.. I wasn't worried about failing my exam for some reason..
It's so weird & bad, but I really don't know why..

Well when the exam started & I opened the paper, I didn't like what I found.
There was so much that was completely different to the past exams I tried doing.
I completely freaked out. I couldn't do it.
Well thankfully, somehow at the end I managed to fill in all the answers, which are probably all wrong. But that in itself is pretty amazing.

Then as I was driving home from the exam, I became a retard.
There was a freaking stop sign, signalling a busy road ahead.
But I don't know what I was thinking, when I saw no cars coming from the right & a car coming pretty quickly from the right, I attempted to turn out quickly.
I put my foot on that acceleration as hard as I could when I got onto the road.

I'm sure the other car was very annoyed at my decision.
If he hadn't went onto the other lane to overtake me, I would've had my first crash.
And it would've been my fault.

I really don't get how stupid I can be sometimes.
It annoys me, ruins my life.

That's all.

My Drag Down

If you guys happen to read my more 'formal blog' too, (nothingwedeserve.blogspot.com) you'll know that I've been struggling with one very addicting sin for a long time.

I plan to reveal what it is in this blog sooner or later, so stay tuned!

I was actually doing so well. I had managed to resist the temptation of it for quite a few days, but then I failed again last night.

It really annoys me, I was doing so well, then it was all stripped from me.

But nonetheless, I've learnt to pick myself up, learnt it's not the end of me.
You're more than your mistakes & failures guys, you've been forgiven already!

Meanwhile enjoy this.

Feel Good Drag - Anberlin

Godbless guys :D

Asian Pride - NOT

I've had such a full on day today. Had to babysit for half the day. Nonetheless I'll still blog for you guys.

Well for as long as I can remember, I've had pride in my "Asianess".
Basically everything that is stereotypical to Asians.
Their chingy English, tiny eyes, bad driving skills, natural martial arts, how they eat rice & noodles & all that sort of stuff. I didn't mind it at all, I was proud of it.
I've always backed it all up, let the insults slide, stood proud of who I was.

Lately I've realised being Asian does have a few flaws.
If you have extremely Asian parents, white people are not very 'approved'. Like my parents would kinda seem to be against dating white girls & have this 'barrier' against them. It wasn't anything too bad, like I'd still be allowed to invite white friends over, but they'd make their culture sound so different & stuff.
Also, more or less the only sports a Asian suits really well are badminton, table tennis, & any martial arts. Some sports just don't go very well & 'cool' with Asians at all, such as snowboarding, surfing, & skateboarding.
One last thing, hardcore music is a no & no... It seems the only music accepted in Asian culture is all that 'Chinese-pop', j-pop, k-pop & etc. So not cool.

That's why I'm not so proud of being Asian anymore.
Recently I've had an urge that I wanna be a 'white-boy'.
I just want to experience a new culture. other than the one I've been in for the last few-teen years.

I'm not saying I'm not happy with who I am.
You know, I just kinda want a change & experience something new?

First of all, I really want to move to America when I grow up.
It seems sooooooo much more interesting than this little New Zealand I'm stuck in at the moment.
Living by myself in America will definitely 'taint' my Asianess, which I'm all goods with.
Second of all, I want a cool tattoo all over my arm just like those metal artists. It just seems really cool. I've also been a type of person obsessed with "aesthetics", so who not?
The list can go on, but one more reason, I really want to learn how to 'scream professionally'. I kinda want to composer & be lead vocals of a hardcore band. (Christian of course)

Yup. So I'm a complete disgrace to Asians. But it's allgood. I'm still Asian on the outside so it doesn't change a thing. I'm sure there's fellow Asians out there like me. But I'll see where God takes me. It's my desire to live in America one day, but it might not be His.

Oh also, I highly recommend you check out The Whosoevers.
I live streamed one of their events last night & it was just AMAZING.
Check them out here. thewhosoevers.com

That's it.
Godbless (:

Found a band that perfectly reflects my taste in music.

Lemme introduce you to Halestorm!

The lead singer is freaking hot right? ;)

That's not the only reason I've fell in love with this band of course.
Her voice is so amazing! She can scream so well & she just rocks.
I really like how her voice isn't very "girly". It's quite deep & 'raspy'. What I completely love.
The music music is nice and heavy. It's just purely awesome.

I'm loving them so much at the moment.

Haha Godbless guys~

What's this all about?

Uhh well hi :)
This is the blog of a typical teenager who is trying to overcome their 'dark side'.
Here, I'm going to be completely honest with who I am, as I'll be hiding this from all of my friends. This is a place for you strangers to know who I really am & maybe be entertained a bit.
I love rocking to heavy music. Especially female fronted bands ;)
I enjoy extreme sports, I currently snowboard for leisure.
I also dream of being a ninja :P
I'm a Christan, but I'm very imperfect, still I strive to be the best I can.
I'll be sharing confessions & stuff about me on here.
Enjoy.