Oh~ How I love the guilt

Well I went there again today.
Gave into the one temptation that has been ruining me since I can remember.
I've been trying really hard to stop it, but I always end up going back.

I realized something after I screwed up again today.
I love the guilt.

I love how I hate myself.
I love that I feel like I don't need anyone.
I love that it gives me the satisfaction that I can live for myself.

In comparison to not going there for a few days.
I end up wanting to have a social life again.
I end up building up my pride.
I end up trying to be recognized in a way.
That's something I don't like.

So yea.
Thought I'd like to share that.