Outta control

I've been completely fucking around lately. Literally.

I really don't know who I am anymore. I'm flunking my tests at school, I've been too lazy to work out for weeks, & my faith is hanging on by a thread..

I'm just a total screw up.

I've been fucking myself alot more lately, as I just can't help it. There seems to be nothing better to do.

I know I need someone; some moral support.

I tried to seek, but it seems even my most trusted friends in this sort of stuff don't care anymore.

I feel completely helpless, completely alone, abandoned.

Though I still know I'm not.

How do I find my way back to Him now? How can I ever turn my life around now that I've fallen so far?
Is it possible?

I don't know what to do any longer, I'm scared, but chilled at the same time, as i just don't seem to care anymore.

I do miss those days where I had Him in my life. Where everything seemed to work well with each other. I was still completely imperfect, but I had the motivation to make a change.

I miss having control over my mind, my own thoughts. I miss having control of my flesh - the corrupted part of me.

Only if I knew the way out..

My Curse

No matter how hard I try, how badly I desire to be free from it or how intensely I fight, it just keeps coming back to make me fall into corruption.

It's as if I've been cursed with it.
That it cannot be lifted & will destroy me for the ret of my life.

Only if this curse could be lifted ..

My addiction

The two biggest problems I would say I have right now would be.

1) My family

2) Then secondly would be my porn addiction

Though I feel that the second one is largely affected by the first.

Watching porn really makes me feel far away from my family, makes me feel like I don't belong.

So with all my family problems going around at home, porn has become a retreat to lessen the feeling of belonging in my family. Which in turn satisfies a certain need.

Hmm...

A New Beginning

So in New Zealand, today is the last day of 2012.
The end of another year.

Well it'd be a waste not to use this opportunity to change something.
To do something better.

So I've decided on my New Years Resolution.
I just have to stop it.
To stop watching porn.

That's mine.
What's yours?

Godbless~

The Truth

Ohk..
I'm going to spill it out to anyone that does read this blog, if any.
It's about time I let it out.

I have ap

Why aren't we nocturnal?

Man, I'm so tired right now.
I played like 3 hours of social badminton this morning. It was really good, sweated heaps, got real tired, had a great workout!

But now I'm sitting here completely knacked.
I can't even do anything that requires my brain to function, yet to blog.

It seems alot of the time, I always end up tired during the day.
But when night time comes, when I want/need to sleep, I'm restless.
For the past year or so, I've had lots of trouble falling asleep at night, it's extremely frustrating up to the point I've considered becoming nocturnal.

Wouldn't that be so much easier?
Since I feel tired during the day very often & never feel tired at night. Wouldn't becoming nocturnal be the logical thing to do?

What're your thoughts on this?

Best Album of the Year 2012

Flyleaf's New Horizons wins this easily.
It's an amazing album musically, lyrically & spiritually :)

I would say it's the best of their albums so far.
It's also the last album featuring Lacey Sturm as lead singer, so you definitely wouldn't want to miss getting a copy of this!

Here's some pictures.

What it looks like opened straight from the delivery package :)

The whole album art

When the CD casing is opened

I love the design on the CD!

The back cover. Again, love it!

I really like how it came with a mini poster.

Back of the poster, with dedications & all that stuff.

Yea, the CD designs itself is worth buying, really well done!
But the music, seriously, you've got to have a listen.
Some of my favorites are Great Love, Saving Grace, Cage on the Ground, & New Horizons. Though I do love the entire CD.

High recommended!

Godbless~