Outta control

I've been completely fucking around lately. Literally.

I really don't know who I am anymore. I'm flunking my tests at school, I've been too lazy to work out for weeks, & my faith is hanging on by a thread..

I'm just a total screw up.

I've been fucking myself alot more lately, as I just can't help it. There seems to be nothing better to do.

I know I need someone; some moral support.

I tried to seek, but it seems even my most trusted friends in this sort of stuff don't care anymore.

I feel completely helpless, completely alone, abandoned.

Though I still know I'm not.

How do I find my way back to Him now? How can I ever turn my life around now that I've fallen so far?
Is it possible?

I don't know what to do any longer, I'm scared, but chilled at the same time, as i just don't seem to care anymore.

I do miss those days where I had Him in my life. Where everything seemed to work well with each other. I was still completely imperfect, but I had the motivation to make a change.

I miss having control over my mind, my own thoughts. I miss having control of my flesh - the corrupted part of me.

Only if I knew the way out..